Voiceless Screaming
by akaisakura
Summary: Just who is screaming? Ken?...the Kaiser?...or the Kaiser's little toy?... a look into the mind of the Kaiser. Song-fic based on "Voiceless Screaming" by X-Japan. Get the song too!


Hello, yet again. I know I should be working on my other fic...dang it's taking a while...(looks at calendar...yeeps...it's been a whole month since I updated? o_0;; um...it's coming...I promise...) 

This fic is a product of my twisted mind. I was originally going to write this song-fic up in a much nicer way. Well, read on, and you'll find out that it sorta got away from me. Hmmm...it's more or less a Kaiser/Daisuke fic, though it's more of a Kaiser...well, that would give it away, now wouldn't it? ^_~ Anyway, hope you enjoy this. It's dark...very dark... 

The song I took the lyrics from is Voiceless Screaming by X-Japan. The original lyrics are in English, so I have not translated anything, nor have I changed the formatting of the lyrics. X-Japan is one of the only JRock bands I have ever heard that can write in decent English...it's so cool ^_^ I have a copy of this song in MP3 format (zipped for your convenience) here: 

http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~scanet/Voiceless_Screaming.zip 

This song is definitely worth the time it takes to download...very pretty...very angsty...very...Ken...if he didn't have a character song already (not that Only One isn't cool ^_^), this would be it. 

  


  


Disclaimer: Digimon characters don't belong to me...I can cry all I want, and they still won't...I now admit to this...so at least I'm making progress... I also don't have any money, so don't try to sue...or send me your psychiatrist's bill if this fic traumatizes you... -_-;; 

  


  


  


  


Voiceless Screaming  
akaisakura 

Original song by X-Japan (lyrics by Toshi, music by Taiji) 

  


  


I'm raping him. 

That's all I can think of as I force myself in and out of him. 

The small redhead bent over on his knees as his hands are bound by lacerating leather above his drooping head. 

A song plays in the back of my mind. It's a drippy ballad. Sounds like something /it/ would sing. It's pathetic. I heard this song on the radio once. It was by a band that was a generation ahead of me. People call it a classic already. I don't care. All I know is that the lyrics to this song is like a mirror. And what it reflects is...me... 

  


  


_I'm drowning in sadness  
Falling far behind  
I feel there is just no way out  
Is there anyone there? Where am I?_

  


  


That's right. I'm drowning. 

Osamu. When you left, everything changed. Not in that ordinary way, not like every other family. People miss their siblings, get over it, and move on. Not me. Not my life. I'm still stuck in the past. I took the digivice, and went to that dark place. I didn't know what that place was. I didn't care. 

  


  


_Insanity and loneliness  
Tear my painful heart  
Broken heart keeps on going to beat  
But it never stops bleeding_

  


  


No one can understand how I felt. No one can understand how I feel. Both are the same. It doesn't matter when, I still feel the same. Empty. Cold. Lonely. Wormmon tells me I'm going insane, that I'm becoming a monster. What does that little pest know? I open my eyes. I didn't even know I had them closed. It doesn't matter anyway. The darkness surrounds me, inside and out. I look down at the source of my current carnal pleasure. Is that blood I see? What do I care? His pain is nothing compared to mine. I continue to mercilessly thrust into his body as I hear a small cry escape his lips. 

  


  


_I've been waiting for love to come  
Someone who wants to touch me inside  
Memories of my yesterdays_

  


  


Ah, This line of the song...This line is pure garbage. Why would I, the great Digimon Kaiser, want love? I own the whole world! I command millions of these creatures who carry out my will! What do I care? 

  


  


_Careless words and deeds  
Masquerade of love  
Gotta find my way outta here_

  


  


I came to the Digital World to conquer. To escape these people who called themselves my parents when they are no more than strangers. To control the attention of everything so I can obtain the attention I deserve. Those pests from the real world, those news reporters, those drooling fangirls, none of them really care. I am just an idol. Years from now, these insects will look back and wonder why they were so obsessed with a silly little boy named Ken Ichijouji. 

  


  


_I was blinded by dark desire  
Over time I've been through it all  
I'm crying my share of tears_

  


  


I can hear that annoying little voice again. That little thing scholars like to call your conscience. Stupid. "Kaiser, Kaiser," it calls out in its usual pathetic high pitch. I'm not going to listen to you. I'm going to get everything I want, everything I couldn't get in that other world. I don't want to listen to this silly voice! 

  


  


_What can I do  
Will I make it through  
I must be true to myself_

  


  


I lose control for a second. That voice tries to take over. Fine. I'll let it have its little say. It doesn't matter. No matter what it says, I'm still me, and it's still my slave. We both understand this much. So, little slave. What do you have to say?... 

  


  


_Voiceless Screaming  
Calling to me inside of my heart  
Voiceless Screaming  
Now is the time I got to speak out_

  


  


I listen to its whining. 

"Kaiser, Kaiser. Why do you hate? Don't you regret anything you've done? How could you cast me aside into those black waters? How can you not feel the pain of those around you?" 

I cut it off here. Why can't I feel the pain of those around me, it asks. How pathetic. It's a part of me and yet it doesn't understand that!? 

  


  


_Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize  
Now my eyes can see  
I have gone so far  
I'm feeling breath of life_

  


  


"But, Kaiser, I do understand. But don't you think it's time to forgive and forget? Look around you. You own everything, yes, yet you don't own the hearts of any of these creatures. Can you really gain the real attention and admiration you're looking for this way?" 

Hmmm...maybe this little mosquito actually has a point. I was looking for something more genuine. I sit back and let it continue its pleadings. 

  


  


_And I'm looking for love to reach  
Someone I want to touch deep inside  
Light shines on my sight of doubt  
Don't be afraid  
Move forward one step  
Willing mind is what I have found at last_

  


  


"Kaiser, Kaiser. What's the real reason you came to the Digital World? You're looking for something real because you're sick of all the fake smiles you see. You're looking for a place to hide, away from all the pain you feel. Osamu's death, your parents, the press, your classmates. It was all too much, wasn't it? 

"You want Osamu back. You loved him dearly, even if your parents didn't pay as much attention to you, you always had Osamu. But you can't have him back. You need to move on." 

All this sweet sugar talk is making me want to throw up. 

"I know you ache inside. You want real acceptance, not fake tolerance. You want real understanding, not fake sympathy. You want real friendship, not people who use you. You yearn for a love you can not find. The brotherly love you had with Osamu can't be brought back because he's gone. So you search endlessly for something to replace that. But somehow, you lost your way." 

Rubbish. That stupid worm said the exact same thing. So I ask it how it knows so much about me. 

And then, I let it say something I've never allowed it to say before. 

  


  


_Voiceless Screaming  
Calling to me inside of my heart  
Voiceless Screaming  
Now is the time I got to speak out_

  


  


"Because I am the /real/ you." 

  


  


_Voiceless Screaming  
Calling to me inside of my heart  
Knockin' on my soul's door  
I believe in myself and trust what I do_

  


  


I admit that /it/, that /thing/, was the real me. I know that I used to be it a long time ago. So kind and gentle. Hmm...Maybe it's time to change my ways. Maybe it was time to stop ignoring my problems and dealing with them. Maybe it was time to become the real me again and fix the wrongs. But how can I do that? I've committed so many sins. Where do I start? I look down at the still form of the boy I'm still fucking. Gods, I must have caused him so much pain. Maybe I can start by healing him? 

  


  


_Voiceless Screaming  
Pain of the past still hurts me inside  
Knockin' on my soul's door  
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven_

  


  


"It would be a good way to start. Poor Child. All he wanted to do was help you. You took him in, and gave him hope. He smiled so radiantly, his eyes lit up like the stars in the sky. And then, you brutally took it all away. Please, Kaiser, it's not too late. Maybe this boy, Daisuke, can be your path to salvation." 

I look thoughtfully at it. And then... 

...Suddenly, I smile a sinister smile, and I can feel it shrink away in terror. It realizes something. I was just playing with it, like I had played with the boy earlier. It realizes that it didn't convince me of anything. I'm loving every minute of the pain I'm causing. 

And as I come, I throw back my head, and I can hear Ken crying out. A single voiceless scream... 

  


  


  


  


  


  


notes: 

akaisakura: Heh...Ken is an "it" while the Kaiser is just a cruel heartless bastard...and poor Daisuke has to suffer a horrible raping... 

Ken: Why did you have to write this fic like this? Couldn't you have written something nice and fluffy for once for Daisuke and I...like in your /original/ fic sketch? 

akaisakura: Hey! I was trying...this idea just sorta intrigued me more... 

Ken: ...Sicko. 

akaisakura: :P 


End file.
